Next weekend, I will have been ordained deacon for one year! Reflecting on the year past and the coming weeks has been interesting and from what I have heard from others, I am not the only one wrestling with what this milestone, which comes parallel to the ordination of my peers to the priesthood, means for me.
Like many other DDs, I am the only one in my cohort who was ordained DD last year. My training cohort is fantastic and incredibly supportive which has made my distinctive vocation easy to process with them. On the other hand, being in parish, I have tried out different ways to explain what I am. From ‘assistant minister’ to ‘a sort of community vicar’ there have been many attempts at description and explanation. But there were also many times were I did not have to explain anything and could just be ‘curate’.
Now, however, this is changing. The other curate (who is also my husband) is being ordained priest next weekend and there are plenty of people in our congregation and parish, and especially those who are new to church, who might ask questions as to why I didn’t get to do the second ordination. There might be people who ask why only the men get to preside (since our vicar is male as well) rather than seeing the distinction in vocation.
So, while in a sense the ordination of my peer group to priesthood has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with me. It pushes me out of my little comfort zone; out of any possible hiding spaces. Now the ‘difference’ is more evident. Whether this is a stole worn differently, the ‘we’ rather than the ‘you’ blessing, or whether it is the day to day focusing on outside relationships instead of being present in church internal ministries. When the bishop lays hands on the rest of my cohort, I feel that something will shift in me as well. That it will reveal something about what I am not called to and therefore clarify my own role and vocation.
I know that every DD approaches the week leading up to the ordination of priests differently. In a sense we are all still figuring out what is most helpful so I thought I would share how my diocese (Southwell and Nottingham) and I chose to engage this.
I have been invited to take part in the pre-ordination retreat which I have gladly accepted since it was explained to me that the retreat is not just about facing ordination but is also about looking back and processing the first year. I am therefore delighted that I get this gift of time in my busy calendar and am looking forward to taking the time to reflect on my first year. I was released to take part in as much or as little as I wanted during the retreat. For me, this will be a wonderful opportunity to take times for silence and reflection while joining with my friends and peers for worship and enjoying the mutual support and prayer for each other. I am really glad that I get to be close to them as they take this amazing next step while also having space to reflect on my vocation!
On their ordination, I was asked to be the liturgical deacon at the cathedral which will be a wonderful way to mark this occasion together. While I would have been completely content to be a visitor and supporter from the friends and family seats, I have been reflecting on this season as a milestone. Our milestone as DDs is not marked by another ordination or another ceremony. But it is another opportunity for us to pray earnestly for the gift of the Holy Spirit. In a sense, the one year milestone puts the ‘distinctive’ in front of the ‘deacon’.
CofE Network of Distinctive Deacons 